Happy Mother’s Day!

I called Mom this morning — she’s in NYC with my brother, he’s taking her to fancy dinners and brunches. She asked what I was doing — Mr. Me left with Junior shortly after I woke up and they’ll be gone for the day. I just returned from getting a spa pedicure. They’ll return to cook me dinner this evening.

Lesson Learned: When your child is 34 and lives far away, the best mother’s day is getting to spend the day with him. When your child is 2 and a half, the best mother’s day is getting the day off from motherhood.

Hope all of the mothers are having a great day (with or without your children). To all of you who are lucky enough to still have them around — call your Mom!

Exactly the degradation ceremony I expected…

I went to the honor dorm knowledge bowl and it was just as embarrassing as I expected it to be — the only reason our team wasn’t killed is because of a younger staff member who played with us (we still lost though). Without him, the score would have been: Students - 160, Professors - 20. The student who invited me said it was to let the freshmen know that “professors are people too” and to make us less intimidating to them — I suspect our performance more than accomplished this. I’m having trouble coming up with a story to tell myself to reduce the shame but, at the moment, I choose to blame aging and my slow button-pushing ability as opposed to lack of knowledge. On the plus side, I got a T-shirt out of it.

Here is the [only] question I got right:

Which is higher in poker — a flush or a straight? (Answer: Flush).

Here is the question that I knew but was too slow with my buzzer to get (and was the most embarrassing since I’d been lecturing on Supreme Court decisions for the last week):

Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? (Answer: John Roberts).

Here is the question that shocked the heck out of me:

Named after royalty, she was also the voice of ‘Sally’ in the Charlie Brown movies. (Answer: Fergie, from the Black-Eyed Peas).

Here is the [only other] question that I buzzed fast enough to answer but got wrong, and will be most shameful to my father:

With 13 Majors, Tiger Woods is close to matching whose record? (My Answer: Arnold Palmer, Correct Answer: Jack Nicklaus).

 

What would happen if undergrads found out…

that the average professor knows A LOT about a VERY LITTLE? The breadth of knowledge the students credit me with is truly astounding.*

One of my students invited me to participate in a knowledge bowl at the undergraduate honors dorm. Thinking this meant I was somehow ‘cool,’ I quickly accepted without thinking about it. It works like this: the honors students compete against one another in teams and the final two teams then have a playoff against the professors. One of my friends is also attending — we are absolutely terrified because, again, while we know a lot about our substantive areas, this has absolutely no bearing on our ability to remember just what the Pythagorean Theorem is or why on earth it was important.**

I’d argue that since our brains are so full-up with the minutia surrounding our areas of study, we are actually less likely to remember the difference between a cumulus cloud and a cirrus cloud. Add to this that my poor performance in Trivial Pursuit is legendary among my friends — I’m now thinking of making up a dead grandmother in order to get out of it. Barring that (though I like the poetic justice of it), I’m thinking of doing some SAT prep in advance of the bowl.

We’re hoping they’ll at least be drunk to minimize the damage. I suspect this is also why ‘Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?’ is popular — to be clear, I am not. Nor am I smarter than a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grader.

*My evaluations usually have a student or two who highlight the fact that when I don’t know something, I SAY SO. They view this as a huge positive, which leads me to believe that many of us tend to go far afield from our expertise. Seriously folks, doesn’t it worry you that you’ll get caught when you go beyond your knowledge base?

**I joked to the student that I was nervous, she replied that I shouldn’t worry because the questions would be easy, “like, what is the Pythagorean Theorem?” This response made me all the more nervous (a2+b2=c2, right? why is this important?).

The plot thickens…

A quick update for those of you following this: I took Junior to the pediatrician today just to make sure she was okay physically and developmentally. The doc examined her for over an hour and said she wasn’t delayed on anything.

Unprompted, the doc also suggested that I file an ethics complaint against Dr. Charlatan and confirmed my suspicion that finding developmental delays in a kid with uncorrected vision problems is not terribly informative or concerning… Her final comment regarding an ethics complaint was that the other doc’s casual reference to ADHD was especially irresponsible because you can’t diagnose that in a kid Junior’s age, and, in any case, certainly not in a kid who has been waiting to see a doctor for over an hour and was examined for less than 5 minutes. Our pediatrician was especially appalled that an eye doctor would attempt that particular diagnosis. She also said she’d be happy to write a letter to support the complaint as well.

So, yes, the lesson here is do NOT mess with Newsocprof’s kid… I’m generally one of those laid-back, let ‘em fall and learn kind of mothers — the past few weeks have been truly disturbing because I’ve been beating myself up for not being more hands-on and obsessive. I suspect much of this guilt will now be transformed into rage directed at Dr. Charlatan (as opposed to becoming a helicopter mom to poor Junior).

Apologies for the diversions (work/family balance remains elusive), back to more academic concerns now.

An obvious observation…

I went to a conference-like gathering a few weeks ago. The lunch reminded me of those ASA receptions where you wander around, not quite sure who to talk to, and wander out a bit later to go drinking with your buddies (wondering why you spent $1000 on the airfare and hotel when you could have done this at home). Many people in the room would have intimidated me a year ago. An observation if you struggle with this: networking is much easier as a new faculty member, even when very little beyond your title has changed. I even had one decidedly awkward interaction and, for the first time, correctly attributed it to general social shyness on the part of the eminent faculty member instead of worrying about whether or not I had said something stupid.

It isn’t a news flash that status matters in social interactions and yes, survival and success on the job market does convey something, but nonetheless, to the grad students who will soon be booking their flights for ASA this summer — much of your nervousness at those awful receptions exists in your head. Take a chance, introduce yourself, raise your hand, and get engaged.

Help Wanted: Avatar

I might be ready for an avatar. The blog is going well (I think) and I may just stick with it. So, I need an avatar — wordpress also keeps nagging me on this point and I’d like it to stop.

The only problem is… I don’t really know how to create one and, even if I did, I have no sense of what one image captures the essence of me. I’m still operating under the self-delusion that all this is anonymous so a picture won’t work.* I also have no sense of my essential personality and am not creative (note the snazzy name of this blog**).

I’ve seen some great photos used (Kristina B, yours is awesome, BTW). I like Laura Beth’s ladybug but I’m not really an insect/animal person. I like the simplicity/quiet sophistication of Jeremy’s J and find Shakha’s a little scary but highly creative. I dig Eszter’s baby photo but I wasn’t that cute. I like Tina and Anomie’s cartoon grrrls but can’t figure out how they made them. Gradmommy’s grad-son is very cute (and she is clearly photogenic so both her avatars are great), Ktel’s is funny, RFN and Blue Monster are clearly rocking the Midwest… What to do, what to do?

What is New Soc Prof’s essential trait? Suggestions? Guidelines or tech support? How did you pick yours? Offers to make one for me in exchange for many beers at ASA? It could be a contest of some sort…

UPDATE: Apparently, olderwoman/wisewoman of scatterplot also feels ready for an avatar but is similarly ill-prepared technologically.

UPDATE2: My fantastic mother-in-law has photoshop! (I guess I know what I’ll be doing at her house next time I go home…). She is currently taking profile photos of me and chalking/charcoaling/etc — her initial attempts are quite promising, assure anonymity, and qualify as ‘arty’ in a non-Miley Cyrus kind of way. I wish I were craftier…

*I am also terribly unphotogenic. If you know who I am, see exhibit A: horrendous professional photo taken of me on my department’s website. Yikes! I swear I’m better looking than that (admittedly not much better, but still better).

**And, yeah, I’ve published something with a title that is a play on William Julius Wilson’s work. Haven’t we all? (e.g., The Declining Significance of Elmo, The Declining Significance of SPSS, The Truly Screwed, etc, etc). It wasn’t even all that related, I just think the man has a knack for titles. I’m currently working on “The Weakness of Strong Families” — the paper isn’t that great but I’ve got the title nailed.

That Dr. title does come in handy after all…

I still rarely use the Professor title and continue to be uncomfortable with Dr. in my professional life but it came in really handy with Dr. Charlatan today. I called to cancel our follow-up, let her know we’d be getting a second opinion, and that I thought her examination was both shoddy and bordered on unethical. Her response was to inundate me with a lot of polysyllabic child development terms (many of which haven’t been used in 20 years). After she made a series of statements that I was pretty sure weren’t right, she finally dropped one that I was positive was totally wrong. I couldn’t resist zinging her, and used the Dr. title to do it. It was delightful.

        Dr. Charlatan says condescendingly:

I’m sure you’re not aware but research shows that [insert flat-out wrong statement regarding language development based largely on gender stereotypes designed to induce fear in parent here], Mrs. Smith. If you choose not to intervene, your daughter may have problems well into adulthood.

        New Soc Prof replies, even more condescendingly:

Actually the latest research suggests that [insert statement here that is the direct opposite of that posited by Dr. Charlatan]. The results you raise were published in the early 1970s and have been criticized extensively on both methodological and theoretical grounds, especially with regard to the role of genetic influences and gender in language development. It’s Dr. Smith, by the way.

 

I think I’ll sue, again!

I had the worst experience today and now can’t sleep (but can’t work either) because I’m so upset about it…

Junior apparently has a vision problem. All of the places friends suggested for a good eye exam for toddlers were booked 3 months out but I finally found a place with an opening this week. Wanting to get a diagnosis and a fix as soon as possible, I took the appointment.

Mr. Me and I arrived with Junior at 9:45 for a 10am appointment. We were finally seen at 11:15am — at this point, Junior was cranky, hungry, and bored. The doctor examined her for a grand total of 3 minutes and recommended the following:

• eyeglasses for farsightedness (which we could conveniently buy right there! And, hey, 3 minutes is enough to figure out her prescription, right?),
• vision therapy for a lazy eye (not covered by insurance, but essential for Junior’s development),
• a developmental delay assessment for her observation that Junior is behind on fine motor and speech development (which a friend of hers just happens to offer! and, really, aren’t ophthalmologists the go-to people for diagnosis of speech delays?),
• an assessment for ADD (again, aren’t we lucky her buddy does this too? Assessments sold separately of course),
• and a follow-up appointment in three days to do a more complete exam (not covered by insurance, but yes let’s pay her twice for the same thing — if we really loved Junior of course).

The doctor didn’t know that Junior had been assessed the previous week by the director of her school to document the extent of the vision problem — in the process, she noted her progress across a number of other developmental domains for future reference. Dr. Charlatan had asked me if Junior had ever been evaluated when I made the appointment but I hadn’t yet heard the results of the evaluation so I said no. Turns out that, despite the vision problem, Junior actually excels at fine motor skills and is on-track for speech development. She’s also developed a number of ingenious little coping mechanisms to deal with not being able to see well so, while most kids with vision problems tend to be delayed on motor skills, Junior is not. More troubling is that the school director told us that we needn’t worry about any delays at this point because evaluating a kid who can’t f**king see isn’t terribly useful — you can’t figure out if a kid can’t stack blocks well because of a neurological deficit if you also know that they have vision problems.

None of this is any big deal in the end — with our new and exciting disposable income, we’ll get a second opinion from a different ophthalmologist and pay for it out of pocket, as well as for another developmental assessment through her pediatrician once the vision problem is dealt with. Here’s what bugs me — the main reason I think the doctor was a charlatan is because she made a bad bet. 90% of the kids with vision problems at age 2 referred for a developmental assessment would have been delayed on motor skills — the parents are then effectively freaked out and ready to pony up for all manner of treatments. (I guess the ADD label would have been an added bonus.)

Mr. Me has often noted that the most difficult part of being a parent are all the people who prey on your love and concern for your child. Most of this is mundane (i.e., trading on irrational fears to get parents to buy all sorts of useless products or the news leading with the latest horrible thing that happened to a toddler today). The experience today suggested something much worse. I’m already feeling guilty that I didn’t notice the vision problem — I really didn’t need more piled on. And, I feel most sorry for parents who get the guilt plus worry about how to pay for a bunch of unnecessary treatments. I also learned through some reading today that my experience was not altogether uncommon — the conflict of interest problems with those who evaluate vision as well as profit from selling eyeglasses is unsurprising. Add to this that vision difficulties are increasingly linked to ADHD, autism, and other behavioral problems and there are ample opportunities for everyone to cash in.

On the plus side, this doc doesn’t know who she is dealing with… I once nagged a cell phone company for 2 years over a rebate that was never paid (in addition to filing complaints with the BBB and a state-level organization). The lengths that I will go to document a problem will positively shock her.

This also needs to stop…

I took Junior to the store today and we ended up in the swimsuit section. Junior is currently teaching herself to swim in the bathtub and likes to run head-long into the ocean — she laughs hysterically when a wave knocks her down and appears to be totally unconcerned about her inability to swim. We’re starting lessons soon.

Suffice it to say, it’s not clear to me why two year-olds need to wear bikinis (or, frankly, why anyone does — it’s not a good look on most of us). It seems to me that until you develop something to hold the top up, it’s probably inappropriate for you to wear one (and, again, even then, most of us probably shouldn’t). What’s with the sexualization of pre-schoolers? A little girl in Junior’s class today came in wearing a mini-skirt and thigh-high boots. Last week, I’m pretty sure I saw her sporting leather pants. This seemed to strike no one as weird.

If it starts at 2, why shouldn’t Miley Cyrus be featured naked in a bed, sporting a come-hither look? She’s practically ancient at 15 after all.

This needs to stop…

Mr. Me and I live by two simple truths. The first is that there is a causal relationship between us buying packs of tickets to sporting events and the team doing much worse than expected (the best example of this being our influence on the 2004-05 Timberwolves season that was marred by contract disputes, incredibly selfish play by Cassell and Sprewell, as well as Flip Saunders getting totally shafted but we’ve also done it to the Bucks, the Gophers, the Badgers, the Stars (Dallas and North — for hockey, we followed them South to ruin their season), the Mavericks, the Galaxy, the Vikings, the Packers, the Bears, the Longhorns, the Mustangs, etc, etc). Thank god we both hate baseball, right? We’re thinking of quitting our jobs to attend sporting events full-time and retiring on the money we will earn by betting against our favorite team, especially when they are favored by many points. We’re also thinking of targeting the Lakers during the playoffs to make it up to KG.

The second truth is that the Democrats will do anything and everything possible to deny themselves a presidential win. At this point, the only people I know who still see it as locked up for the Dems are a few family members (all of whom contributed to W’s re-election campaign). Not a good sign…