I’ve yet to meet a sociologist who uses the term “post-racial” without sarcasm. I’m struggling with how best to talk about race with Junior. This is partly motivated by my long-term desire to turn out a child with a just and knowledgeable view of race in society. My immediate motivation, however, is to get her to stop saying mortifying things in public and to her friends.
On the heels of the Gates arrest, I’ve been thinking about how early we start to put people in racially-categorized boxes. For example, in my townhome association, all of of the men who are gardeners fit into one ethnic category.* A few weeks ago, some painters came to paint the house and Junior kept calling them ‘gardeners’ (“Mama, the gardeners are on the roof!”). Why did she do this, even though the men did nothing resembling gardening and wore different clothes? I could be wrong, but I suspect because the painters were also of the same ethnicity as the gardeners. In an effort to personalize the situation, I introduced her to the guy who worked on our house every day and we tried to have a chat with him regularly. Still, from then on, she called him “Arturo the Gardener.”
Then, Junior gets her first sunburn and we have a long conversation about how her skin is very fair so she needs to wear sunblock every day. This moves on to a conversation about skin tone in general — Mom and Grandpa are very light and unable to tan, Dad is a light brown only in the summer, both Grandmas are a darker brown, and Uncle Chris has black hair and the darkest brown skin. Junior’s pretty analytical so if she’s interested, she’ll spend a lot of time trying to figure out the breadth and limits of whatever simple story I’ve given her. In other words, let the public horrors begin…
It begins with comments about skin tone at the grocery store, pointing out the differences among strangers (loudly, of course, and with pointing). It moves on to a discussion about how she would like to have skin like Uncle Chris (he being her favorite) and would it be possible to paint hers? Next she tells a good friend of hers (of a different ethnic background) that she should paint her skin white so that they are the same. She then pesters a bi-racial friend of mine to choose a box (“But, but, are you black or white? You can’t be both…”). It ends with her describing another child with reference to his skin color in a completely innocent but really unfortunate and de-humanizing way.**
Junior’s comments illuminate for me all of our hangups about race and how early it starts. We say we should talk with our kids openly and honestly about race — still, if we talk about it anymore, I’m going to have to move out of pure embarrassment and make all new friends. More problematic, I can’t change the ethnic mix of my gardeners but can’t quite figure out a way to tell a preschooler about social stratification. I’d like to accomplish this while her cognitive boxes are still forming but, at this point, I’m ready to move on to where babies come from…
*And, I do mean all. I've been looking for an exception to point out to Junior but
have thus far been unsuccessful. Can you guess the ethnicity? Anyone who thinks we're
in a post-racial or class-less world, make an argument for how it's reasonable to guess
that my gardeners are all Norwegian.
**I can't repeat it here, it was awful. On the plus side, his mother thought it
was charming. Still, if only Junior weren't so white, and so blond, and so
blue-eyed -- this stuff just sounds worse coming out of her mouth.