Just an interesting conversation as he naturally observes racial differences.

I feel the child’s own timeline should dictate when these topics are discussed. Personally, I have no recollection of pigeon-holing certain racial characteristics with a given profession (gardeners). My favorite library books were on Native Americans even though I do not share that ancestry. I just happened to think they had interesting lives and cultures (and still do!). My friends were of many races and I never made many me vs. them distinctions other than wishing I could understand what they were saying to each other when they weren’t speaking English. My education on race was indirect, but very effective: Singing the words in church to “Jesus loves the little children/all the children of the world/black and yellow, brown and white/they are precious in His sight/Jesus loves the little children of the world.” In other words, my parents had next to no work to make me fit for polite company. On the other hand, my younger sister made her first observation about race in a grocery store, loudly pronouncing a very politically incorrect term to refer to a black person. Honestly, where she learned this I don’t know because we did not use derogatory racial terms in our household.

Being hung up on “categories” was foreign to me as my parents didn’t play opposites or read me books about how this fish looks different than that fish (we read Raggedy Ann & Andy books about being kind to everyone). I recall only the “Ugly Duckling” in such an overt role but nothing in which the process of categorization itself was the objective (as is common with much of today’s educational and “play” materials).

For this reason, I suspect your child is merely reflecting what she believes is somehow a priority. It requires clearing a certain developmental stage to form nuanced observations between someone sensitizing them to this matter for good — so that we can learn to be more tolerant of one another — or someone who is making those distinctions apparent for ill (for the ease of stereotypes). The risk, I think, is that a child who begins to grapple with these abstracts before he/she has the ability to form appropriate value judgments is that she may end up with barriers and perceptions that you didn’t intend for her to have, whereas in her mind she feels she is only imitating the way in which the adults in her life divvy up the world.

I guess what I’m saying is that this coin has two sides: It is possible to break down stereotypes with education but it is possible to create them with heightened awareness (perception). If in trying to educate her and open her eyes to the world around her she is instead forming assumptions and generalizations, perhaps it is too early for color awareness talks.

We all know that one of the things kids learn early is not to be overly trusting towards strangers with lost dogs and such (stranger danger). By the same token, unlike adults, many children have the ability to see past skin color and recognize a shared humanity. Not all of them are forming “danger” associations at that age (biases). Consequently, I would argue that the real danger is that by trying to get them to do what many children already do naturally we are actually inducing them to be more outwardly focused than less so. We are teaching them to first evaluate outward indicators and the individual as a member of an aggregate (thin vs. fat, black vs. white, tall vs. short, etc). In other words, we are coming at it from our angle, not theirs.

Inevitably, children begin to notice differences and distinctions. It’s part of becoming self- and other-aware. But the value judgments, when we adults assume them to be negative from such a young age, may backfire in the sense that we are instead reinforcing that they’re there rather than the reality that we’re all participants in a genetic lottery (that one person is born into one race/culture isn’t there choice anymore than our skin color is our own).

When parents inadvertently sensitize a child to a matter that’s not already an issue for them, children may inherit our “delicacy” about the topic, which itself sets in motion a self-fulfilling prophecy. I realize we can’t have a color blind society or even that it should be the goal. But having a society in which it’s “no big deal” is better than an over-fixation on “me vs. them” and “that vs. this” categorization processes. Yes, those topics will come up, but I believe it should be initiated by the child and not the adult — otherwise children are forced to use an incomplete set of analytical skills by which to interpret those conversations and the puzzle they piece together may not at all come to resemble the intentions the parent had in mind.

Hopefully this makes sense…

So, I have no trouble seeing the potential for trauma…

Keep in mind, though, that a high number of students complaining may not be simply a reflection of a grade-grubbing culture; it could also be a reflection of poor grading and/or teaching.

Suggestion number three (avoiding office) may seem practical, but it is highly unprofessional. Such behavior more often than not reveals which professors lack confidence in themselves and their techniques/structure.

My one rating said that I was “helpful, but so pretty it’s distracting. I’d rather look at her than listen to her.”

Wow. I’ve never been so insulted. I mean, I wouldn’t like to be considered ‘ugly’ either, but why is that even included. I feel reduced simply to my looks.

Sorry to rain on anyone’s day or parade.

If I sit next to my husband for 15 minutes, his blood pressure drops 10 points. When stressed out students come to talk to me, they always leave saying they feel refreshed.

It is not just humans. I also have a deeply calming effect of horses, and dogs and cats love me.

I do not go around consciously wanting exceptions to be made for me or for people to give me stuff. It just happens and I am always surprised.

So I believe you. It can be that easy.